Hello, welcome to our disclaimer. Please make sure your seat is in the upright position. Today’s disclaimers are: Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Our beverages are tea and coffee. Sorry, no alcoholic beverages on this flight. Kitty has a claim to the "Ranma" gang, but you won't notice that once you've checked out our in-flight mov-- HEY! DON'T WATCH THAT! THEN YOU CAN'T CHECK OUT OUR STORY!! (Sheesh, no respect--) Enjoy! >:) L@U|~@ (pink@laura-chan.com) & e|_ | z@beth (kasumi_tendou@yahoo.com) Send us your comments, and stuff!
Scene: The Tendo Dojo. Nodoka is standing at the door and glaring at Genma Panda.
Genma Panda: (holding up a sign) I'm just an ordinary panda...
Nodoka: (Grasping her sword) How... STUPID... do you think I am?
Genma: Rowr, rowrrrr? (smiles angelically)
[Ranma begins to walk out of the room, but is stopped by his mother, who holds his shoulder tightly.]
Nodoka: (Stares daggers at Ranma, then looks at Genma with tears welling up in her eyes) What have you done to our son?
Ranma: Mom--
Nodoka: Look at him! What kind of things have you told him about me? (Looks at Ranma with a pleading look) Genma, you've made him afraid of his mother!
Akane: Auntie Saotome, that can't be true...
Nodoka: (interrupting) When I looked into my son's eyes as I walked in, I saw nothing but fear... I may have not been with him as long as Genma has, but I still know.. (pushes Ranma away) what THAT look is.. (motions to Ranma)
[Ranma looks down at his feet, and Genma Panda attempts to hold up another sign.]
Nodoka: DON'T EVEN BOTHER! (Throws sword down) What have you done to my son? (shakes head) Can I even CALL him that anymore?
[Nodoka walks towards Genma Panda and grabs him by the ears.]
Nodoka: YOU'RE coming with me... (Drags Genma outside)
Scene: Nodoka and Genma panda are in the backyard. Genma panda still has that innocent look in his eyes.
Nodoka: I cannot believe YOU raised MY son to be like that.
Genma panda: (Attempts to hold up a sign, but Nodoka knocks it down.) ROWR ROWR!
Nodoka: Don't even try and yell at me, Genma! Now, change back. (Panda shakes head.) All right then. (She turns to the house.) KASUMI BRING ME SOME HOT WATER!
[Kasumi comes and gives her a kettle of hot water.]
Kasumi: Is there anything else I can do, Auntie?
Nodoka: Yes as a matter of a fact, you can tell Ranma to get packed. He's coming home with me. (Genma Panda gets a hopeful look in his eyes) Not you, Genma. I NEVER want to see you again! And I'll make sure that RANMA doesn’t either!
Kasumi: Oh my. I'll tell him. (Runs to house)
Scene: Ranma, the rest of the Tendo household and Dr. Tofu are sitting at the dinner table. Nobody says a thing, until Kasumi runs into the table.
Kasumi: Oh my...(Dr. Tofu gets up to go where Kasumi has fallen.)
Nabiki: Don't tell me your a klutz, too.
Kasumi: Auntie Saotome says that (Turns to Ranma) you are to pack. You are going home with her.
[Akane gets a sad look on her face.]
Ranma: (Not noticing Akane) Cool, Pop and I going home.
Kasumi: (Wincing in pain as a Dr. Tofu rotates her ankle roughly) As far as I heard it was just you and Auntie.
Soun: Now (Crying) Ranma and Akane are never going to get married!
Ranma: I'll go pack. (Runs toward his room. Akane follows.)
Scene. Ranma is throwing things into his backpack, as Akane walks in.
Ranma: Well, you finally got what you wanted...
Akane: (sits down next to Ranma) What do you mean, Ranma? What did I want?
Ranma: (stops packing to look at Akane) You always said how much of a pervert I am, and then there's all of those times that I made you want to hit me with something, or bury me, or mutilate me...
Akane: But, Ranma... (looks away) Why do you seem so sad about it all? I'm uncute anyway, right?
Ranma: ...Well...
[Enter Nodoka, dragging Genma Panda by his ears. In the other hand she carries her ancestral sword, meticulously wrapped in a cloth.]
Nodoka: Are you almost ready, son? (Genma struggles to crawl away, but Nodoka tightens her grip) YOU aren't going anywhere...
Ranma: (gives Akane a helpless look) Yes, ma'am... (looks down at his things, and resumes packing) Just a couple more things.
[Exit Nodoka and Genma Panda]
Akane: So, Ranma, there IS someone that you bow down to...
[Ranma gives Akane a death stare, and begins to zip up his backpack. In the background, Soun is heard bawling, and Kasumi is heard comforting him. Akane bends to look into Ranma's eyes.]
Ranma: (looking away) What?
Akane: ... (looks out the window) Let's go try to see what your parents are talking about...
Ranma: Why would I care what they're saying? I'm outta here already...
[Akane smiles at Ranma and takes his hand off the backpack. Ranma's heart begins to beat faster and Akane takes the backpack, slowly away from Ranma. She smiles sweetly and out of nowhere, violently slams the backpack on Ranma's head, rendering him unconscious.]
[Scene: The Tendo Dojo, but on the roof. Akane is waving a fan over Ranma's face, as he slowly revives.]
Ranma: (waking up with a start) Wha--what?
Akane: Shhh, Ranma, they'll hear us...
Ranma: (looking at his surroundings) Where-- oh.
Akane: That's right, stupid, we're on the roof. (holds a finger up to her lips) Now be quiet...
[Ranma and Akane look onward towards Genma (now human) and Nodoka, glaring murderously at him.]
Nodoka:...A man among men you idiot! Now he's half-girl!!! This is ALL your fault Genma. You have ruined our marriage, our son, and our lives!
Genma: But you haven't seen him in combat...
Nodoka: Do you think I CARE?
Genma: But...that was the whole point of the training mission!
Nodoka: Don't YOU DARE TAKE that tone of voice with me! I spent TEN YEARS ALONE! At least you HAD Ranma! I HAD nothing!
[Enter Soun, who absent-mindedly runs in between the both of them. Kasumi and Nabiki follow closely; Nabiki is carrying a medicine bottle.]
Soun: (bawling) RANMA! AKANE! WHAT DO I DO, WHAT OF THE DOJO?
Kasumi: Father, slow down! Come back here!!!
Nabiki: (shaking bottle) Daddy, Daddy, wait! Your sedatives....
[Exit Soun, Kasumi, and Nabiki.]
Nodoka: (still wide-eyed) THIS IS MADNESS! Now, is THIS the kind of environment you've raised our son in all his life?
Genma: We've only been here for a year...
Nodoka: That's not the point! I know you, Genma, and if I know you like I think you do, I know that your very presence causes HAVOC!
[Genma flashes to the time when he took Ukyo's father's cart, and the times chasing Ranma in Jusenkyo, and the past experiences with the Tendos. He shudders and looks at Nodoka.]
Genma: How can you say that?
Nodoka: No matter. I don't know how you're going to get along; I imagine that Soun will not take you in, now that I'm ending the engagement; that is, until Ranma becomes a man.
[Scene: The roof of the Tendo Dojo. Ranma and Akane sport scared looks on their faces as the words, 'ending the engagement' echo through their heads. Faintly, Soun is heard screaming in protest, (saying that long distance relationships are good :] )]
Ranma: (sighing) This is it...
Akane: It's official...
Ranma: ...Till I become a man....
Akane: And when will that be?
Ranma: (begins to unbutton his shirt) Well...
Akane: (shocked) RANMA, YOU DON'T MEAN---
[Ranma takes off his shirt and holds it in his hand for a minute, in front of a very wide-eyed Akane. A stray gust of wind teases at Akane's dress and hair for a second, as they sit in silence.]
Ranma: No, stupid, not that! (Akane begins to clench her fists) Wait! Let's not fight, please...
Akane: (now even more in shock) What are you doing?
[Ranma takes the shirt and drapes it around Akane's shoulders. Akane looks down at the shirt and back at Ranma.]
Ranma: Keep this for me... I'll come back for it...
Akane: Ranma... your favorite red shirt...
[Akane puts her arms in the sleeves of the shirt and looks at Ranma. Again, they sit in silence for awhile. Both eventually reach to button the shirt, and touch hands. Akane nods her head.]
Akane: Go ahead...
[Ranma slowly buttons the shirt up, and moves back to look at Akane.]
Ranma: Remember: it's yours until I come back...
[At a nearby tree, Nabiki is holding a video camera.]
Nabiki: Akane'll thank me for this someday...
[Scene: Inside the Tendo Dojo. All the Tendos and the Saotomes stand together next to the front door. Ranma is standing next to Akane, in his white tank-top.]
Nodoka: Well, (looks down) I'm sorry to have caused all the trouble... (notices Ranma's red shirt and sighs)
Nabiki: (crossing her arms) Wait... we still don't know how you found out about the whole curse thing in the first place!
[All look at Nodoka, as she glares at Genma.]
Nodoka: Well, I was on my to visit the Tendos, when...
Scene: Nodoka is walking down an endless street, as she realizes that one of her hairs are out of place. She has to look perfect for her son, so she takes her hair down and proceeds to fix it. Sitting on a bench nearby, she notices a young woman with long purple hair. Nodoka stands up and bows to the woman who almost runs her over.
Nodoka: Have we met before?
Shampoo: (Thinking) Shampoo know her. That Ranma's mother. No... I no see you before.
Nodoka: I'm sure we have. (Shampoo smiles evilly and Nodoka doesn’t notice.)
Shampoo: Maybe if we talk for while...I remember. (Shampoo and Nodoka sit down and Nodoka smiles.)
Nodoka: I'm going to visit my son at his fiancee's home, but he and his father are always on training trips. It's nice to see all of the Tendos, but I miss my son Ranma.
Shampoo: (Acts surprised.) You Ranma's mother?
Nodoka: I am.
Shampoo: What you mean training journey? He always is there. Ranma is there all time, almost. But when he is girl, people think he different person. (Grinning) And his father the panda. He write on signs.
Nodoka: (Surprised) SO THATS HOW THEY FOOLED ME! (Stands up and runs off) I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!
Shampoo: Shampoo have Ranma now...(Smiles and continues on her way)
Scene: Back at the Tendo Dojo, Nodoka is lost in thought and Ranma gazes at Akane. Genma is not a panda, for once, and is looking apologetically at Nodoka.
Nodoka:(Noticing Genma) DON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME THAT WAY. THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE WORMING YOUR WAY BACK INTO MY LIFE! (she turns away and grabs Ranma's arm.) Let's go, son.
Ranma: (Looking Akane straight in the eyes) Akane...
Akane: (Smiling her cutie smile) I'll see you soon.
Ranma: (Noticing her eyes are red.) Take care of my shirt.
Nabiki: (Teasing) Oh a shirt... he gave you a shirt Akane...
[Akane glares at her and Kasumi smiles an oblivious smile.]
Kasumi: Oh how sweet...
[Ranma walks up to his dad and smacks him on the arm.]
Ranma: Ha ha, later pop.
Genma: Now you behave, boy!
Nodoka: Thank you so much for your hospitality, but I think my son and I have imposed enough. (She and Ranma turn and walk down the street.)
Scene: The Tendo Dojo is unusually quiet as Akane breaks a cinder block.
Akane: (Thinking) I feel better now! (Sets up another block) YAHHAAAA
[Akane doesn't get to break the block, because Kuno runs into the Dojo and picks her up.]
Kuno: Oh Akane Tendo! Now that, that lecherous Ranma Saotome is gone we can finally date. oh my love, 'tis your lucky day!
Akane: He didn't have anything over me....GET OFF! (She punches him in the head and starts beating on him. Kasumi sees Akane and gasps)
Kasumi: Oh my. That's not very nice, Akane.
Akane: So? He scared me! (runs off)
[Kasumi helps Kuno get up and he mutters something she can't hear.]
Kasumi: Oh, why don't you stop chasing Akane and give Nabiki some of your attention. (Kunos eyes light up and he smiles)
Kuno: Thank you, Kasumi. I'd never think of that. Oh NABIKI TENDO MY LOVE! (He runs into the house and there is a scream coming from Nabiki. Kasumi smiles and goes back to the kitchen.)
Scene: Akane's room. She is attempting to do more homework at her desk. She bites her pencil and then breaks it in half.
Akane: (Thinking) Do I miss him? No that’s not it...I... I just don't want to have to keep this stupid shirt, that's all... Who am I kidding? I've got to.. I’m going...I'm going to find him...and take him back...I'm going to bring him back!!!!
Soun: DINNER, AKANE! [Akane goes downstairs and sits at the table. She notices that Nabiki is wearing a shocked look on her face, as Kuno sits next to her.]
Kuno: My love...The goddess that holds my heart... oh... (kneels to Nabiki) how cunning you are, like Athena, the wise...
Nabiki: (rolls her eyes) Since when did I rule your heart?
Kuno: Since Kasumi showed me the light. Now, come, let us date. (Kuno grabs her and runs off.)
Nabiki: Okay Kuno-baby...As long as you pay. (she blinks and yen signs appear in place of her eyes) by the way... can we go shopping afterwards?
Kuno: As an honorable man I would have to...(they go out of hearing range and the others start to eat.)
Akane: I've made a decision. (Smoothes Ranma's shirt that he gave her out.)
Soun: What is it, Akane?
Akane: I'm bringing Ranma back...
[The entire household (what is left of them) gasps]
Kasumi: Oh...Oh you do have feelings for him...I thought you'd never confess them...
Akane: I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM!
Kasumi: Then why are you going?
Genma panda: (Sign) I can tell you where it is. (Flips it around) More rice please. (Another sign) I hope she didn't move.
Voice: Ranma honey?!
Akane: Ukyo? (She smiles) Ranma is gone.
Ukyo: What do you mean "gone"?
Another voice: Ranma, Shampoo have ramen for you...
Akane: (Enjoying the moment) He's moved out.
Shampoo: Ranma gone?
Genma Panda: (holding up a sign) If no one wants to eat that ramen...
Akane: Yep, and I...um...
Ukyo: You what?
Akane: I...I...Have to do my homework...that’s it... (she gets up and runs to her room)
Shampoo: (looks at Ukyo) Shampoo no trust her...
Ukyo: Got that right...
Scene: Akane is packing as Kasumi watches her.
Kasumi: Would you like me to go, Akane?
Akane: No that's okay, sis. This is something I have to do alone.
Kasumi: Well, I made you some food to take along, but I want you to go with me to Dr. Tofu's clinic. I have a slight fever with my chest cold.... (She feels her head.) Yes...will you please walk me? I can get Dr. Tofu to walk me back.
Akane: Okay. (Thinking) Kasumi, if you only knew...
[Akane jumps as a sobbing Soun comes in and hugs her]
Soun: My little girl! You are so brave, to search Japan for your fiancee'.
Akane: I know where it is...because...
Soun: (interrupts) Saotome told you. I don't know what to do with him.
Akane: What do you mean?
Soun: I can't just let him stay here...
Akane: And why not? Let him camp out in the yard until I come back with Ranma.
Soun: Of course... (Still sobbing.) Goodbye...Akane.
Akane: I'll be back, daddy.
[Exit Soun]
Akane: (turns to Kasumi) Lets go to Dr. Tofu's.
Scene: Kasumi and Akane arrive at the clinic. When the patients see Kasumi, they run. Akane sighs and rolls her eyes.
Kasumi: Hello?
[Dr. Tofu comes out looking normal and sees Kasumi. His glasses fog up and he bows to Betty the skeleton.]
Dr. Tofu: Why hello Kasumi...How nice to see you here of all places...
Kasumi: Whatever... I just came by for a visit... Oh! (turns to Akane) Have a safe trip, Akane...
Dr. Tofu: (dancing the tango with Betty) Where are you going, Nabiki?
Akane: (rolling eyes) I'm Akane... (hugs Kasumi goodbye) Oh well... I guess I'll be off now...
[Exit Akane]
Kasumi: Bye... (looks to Dr. Tofu) My, you are so hilarious, Dr. Tofu. (laughs)
Scene: At Ucchan's. Shampoo and Ukyo leer at a school picture of Akane in Furinkan High's yearbook. Shampoo, brandishing a permanent marker, draws a beard on Akane's picture.
Ukyo: (laughing) That's pretty good, but check THIS out... (takes pen and draws devil horns on Akane) Ha, ha...
Shampoo: Seriously, though... what we do to find Ranma? We no know where mother of Ranma go...
Ukyo: (thinking) Hmm... you're right... gee, I sure do miss Ranma-Honey's smile... (flashes back to an incident when Ranma smiles in the Tunnel of Lost Love) hmm... (Ukyo drops her smile when she remembers who the smile is directed to: Akane. She now mutters to herself in a mocking voice) Those two are in looo-oove... nyah, nyah-nyah...stupid Akane... oh, let's go, Akane... Oh, yes, Ranma... YESYESYESYESYESYESYES....
[Ukyo begins to madly scribble all over Akane's picture, as Shampoo's eyes widen in terror.]
Shampoo: What you do, you stupid Spatula Girl? You crazy like Kodachi now, that it? (notices that Ukyo doesn't listen, and also notices that Ukyo begins to rip the page that she is scribbling on) STOP, IT, YOU STUPID! WHAT YOU DO? HEY!
Ukyo: (Stops and notices what she is doing) Oh! Oh, geez... anyway, how do we get to Ranma?
Shampoo: Shampoo don't know... we find out, ask people... ask nice sister..
Ukyo: (smiling) You mean that Kasumi girl, right? Good idea...
Scene: A random forest, somewhere in Japan. Akane stops to sit on a rock, as she looks at a map. She pulls a water canteen off of her belt, removes the lid, and takes a sip.
Akane: (thinking) Ranma... I wonder what you're thinking of right now...
Scene: The Saotome residence, in Nagoya, Japan. Ranma is outside, training, while Nodoka eventually joins him, bringing a tray with several pieces of watermelon.
Nodoka: (sets the tray down) Here you go, Ranma. (notices that Ranma tries to ignore her, but pretends to be oblivious) Ranma, here. I brought you some watermelon, do you want some?
Ranma: (looks at Nodoka) ...sure... (takes a small piece, and nibbles at it) Hm. It tastes pretty good. (resumes training)
Nodoka: Ranma, is there something wrong? Do you want to talk? (puts her hand on his shoulder) Are you okay?
Ranma: (turning away from Nodoka) No, mother, I'm fine. (mumbles to himself, under his breath) I just miss the Tendos...
[Ranma pauses for a minute to think of Akane; he flashes to the time that Akane was clinging on to him, when they were in Toma's palace. The words, 'Oh, Ranma' continued to echo in his head, over, and over again, as does the image of the two of them, free-falling towards the sacred spring, and Toma, above calling to Akane.]
Ranma: (thinking to himself) Akane was always mine, you little brat...
Nodoka: What was that? What did you say, Ranma?
Ranma: (Smiling akwardly) I just said that I'm glad I'm in kenpo....
[Nodoka smiles and stills looks oblivious.]
Nodoka: Genma this is all your fault...
Scene: Kasumi is at Dr. Tofu's clinic, Dr. Tofu is running with Betty the skeleton on his back. Dr. Tofu stops in front of her.
Dr. Tofu: What can I do for you Betty?
Kasumi: (Laughing) I'm Kasumi. You see I have a fever with this little chest cold and I... Dr. Tofu? What’s wrong? (She notices him crumpling up his note book.)
Dr. Tofu: I- I have just what you need... K-Kasumi... (He runs into the next room and Kasumi sips more tea. )
Kasumi: (Smiling ) Take your time, Dr. Tofu.
Scene: The same forest in Japan. It's nighttime and Akane is putting up a tent. Akane: (Thinking) Gosh this reminds me of the last time I was in a forest. (She thinks back to not that long ago, when she and Ranma traveled to Musenkyo. She thinks about when they were throwing each other into the tent, before they broke it. Akane smiles and finishes with the tent. Then she thinks back to what happened after she said "Lets go to bed" when she and Ranma were in the forest together. )
Scene: (Flashback) Ranma and Akane are sitting on the ground by the broken tent. Ranma is twiddling his thumbs as Akane gets into his backpack and gets the sleeping things out. She smoothes the tent out on the ground like a big bed and puts the pillows and sleeping bags accordingly.
Akane: It's not like we're sleeping together. We were going to share the tent.
Ranma: W-well Y-y-y-y-y-eah.
Akane: Are you (lays down on her side of the tent.) gonna go to sleep or not?
Ranma: I am.... (Gets up and lays on his side.)
Akane: I don't bite, you know. (Smiles and turns the other way.)
Ranma: (to himself) ...wouldn't be surprised if you did...
Akane: (turning around towards Ranma) What was that?
Ranma: Uh... nothing. Just that you always find an excuse to injure me. That's all.
Akane: It's because you always find a new way to insult me. (turns to Ranma) Ranma...
Ranma: Huh?
Akane: Why do you do that? Am I really that bad? (looks down at the ground)
Ranma: Wha-- hey, now you know that I, uh.. (fidgets)
Akane: You what?
Ranma: I, uh, don't really mean to hurt your feelings.. it just happens.. when I, uh uhm, get too mad. Y'know, I hate it when you call me a pervert. 'Cause I'm really not..
Akane: Oh, right. Then explain those times when you grab my chest.. (thinks to herself) and don't forget Miss Hinako's, and...
Ranma: Hey! If I could control all of those times, I wouldn't have pulled that stuff... (thinks about Akane to himself, laughs and mumbles to himself) Well, maybe not all of those times.
[Akane blushes violently, as she pretends not to have heard what Ranma just said.]
Akane: (thinking to herself) What did he mean by that?
Ranma: (looking up to the sky) So... do you even think about what you're doing with your life?
Akane: What do you mean?
Ranma: I mean, after high school... do you plan to get married, or something?
Akane: (feels her heart beating) Married? You, uhm, mean... to you?
Ranma: (a bead of sweat appears on his head) Well, not necessarily, I mean, not if you don't want to marry me...
Akane: Hm. Well, Ranma, when you fought to keep our engagement, did you mean it all of those times when you insisted that we were engaged to all of those guys-
Ranma: What guys?
Akane: Oh, just about every guy that you've fought with to keep my hand.
Ranma: Oh. Uh, well sure... I mean, yeah. Gotta do what the parents say, right?
Akane: I guess. But do you really want to marry me? I mean, am I too much of a tomboy for you? Am I not cute enough?
Ranma: (angrily) Oh, come on! (yelling) You IDIOT! You should know that I would MUCH rather marry you than any other girl that I know!
Akane: (bewildered) Ranma... you really do mean that, don't you? (looks away) What about Shampoo?
Ranma: No way. She throws away her dignity whenever she's near me.
Akane: Well, what about Ukyo? You told her that she'd make a great wife..
Ranma: She would, but not for me. I only think of her as a good friend.
Akane: And Kodachi?
[Ranma and Akane look at each other for a second and begin to laugh hysterically]
Ranma: (still laughing) Don't even ask, okay? (slowly stops laughing)
Akane: So, what do you think of me?
Ranma: Well, (looks into Akane's eyes) I...
Akane: Yes?
Ranma: I really don't mean it when I say that you're uncute, or a tomboy... And it's not like you're ugly or anything.
Akane: Really?
Ranma: Uhm, actually, you're kinda pretty...well... you're beautiful...
[Akane comes out of her flashback, and decides to go to sleep.]
Akane: (thinking to herself) I'm gonna find you, Ranma... you've fought for me harder that this. There's no way I'm just gonna stand here and let you get... out... of...... my.....
Voice: Reach.
Scene: Ucchan's. Ukyo and Shampoo leer over a table after hours and discuss plans about how to find Ranma.
Ukyo: What I'm saying is, we've got to keep Ranma-Honey out of Akane's clutches. Thanks to Kasumi, we've found out exactly what Akane is up to, and where Ranma-Honey is...Akane can be so deceptive at times..
Shampoo: Shampoo never trust ugly tomboy in first place.
Ukyo: So how do we find out where Ranma is, anyway? He could be miles and miles away in any town this side of Japan by now, how are we gonna find him?
Voice: Leave that to me..
Shampoo: (looks to her left) Great-Grandmother. Why you here?
Cologne: (reaches into pocket) Let's just say that the gods won't be happy if you come back to China, saying that we couldn't find your fiancee.
Ukyo: (holding back her anger) ..so, how exactly are you supposed to help us, huh Old Woman?
[Cologne uses her staff to hit a pressure point on Ukyo, rendering her entire body numb.]
Cologne: Have some respect! (turns away from Ukyo) ...and you call yourself a woman...
Shampoo: Hm. So what we do, Great-Grandmother? (looks at Ukyo, who is lying on the floor, twitching) Stupid Spatula Girl...
Ukyo: ...wah... watch... it... ther- (loses consciousness)
Cologne: And here I thought that she was such a strong girl. Oh well, Shampoo, wake her up. We need her to help us out.
[Shampoo violently shakes Ukyo as Cologne pulls out two bottles and starts mixing liquids from both bottles, in a ramen bowl.]
Shampoo: What that, Grandmother?
[Ukyo continues to twitch as she attempts to get up.]
Cologne: THIS (holds up the ramen bowl) ...is one of the most powerful, most ancient and most sacred components to Amazon history and culture. Behold...this potion, when taken, will draw the recipient to the one who is truly destined to marry them... THE TRUE-LOVE-VICE-GRIP-ELIXIR!! (Ukyo and Shampoo simultaneously gasp) ...yes, ladies, just one sip of this dangerous elixir has enough power to render the recipient of this potion hopelessly insane.
[Ukyo and Shampoo share another collective gasp]
Ukyo: So, why's it in a ramen bowl?
Cologne: You didn't let me finish. Now, this syrup here in the ramen bowl is very concentrated.
Shampoo: So, if person go to take sip now, person go crazy, right?
Cologne: You've got it. That's why I'm going to serve it in a bowl of ramen; that's the traditional way of taking the potion which dates back 2,000 years. The one who originally made the potion had an extreme fetish for ramen. She wanted the potion to find her true love-- you see, the potion automatically draws a person to the one that they are destined to eventually marry, no matter where on Earth they happen to be! Shampoo will be taking the potion. (Shampoo smiles at this and Ukyo fumes.)
Ukyo: Ranma-Honey will be mine! (tries to grab the bowl and Cologne smacks her with her staff.)
Shampoo: Stupid girl.
Cologne: Now, Ukyo, I don't want to have to hurt you. You're not going to try anything funny while Shampoo takes this potion, now are you? (glares) You do want to see Ranma again, don't you, girl? (Ukyo nods) Then, you must help me to restrain Shampoo, as she takes the potion. You see, even if the elixir is diluted, Shampoo will go temporarily insane, but only for a few seconds. (looks to Shampoo) Come here.
[Shampoo walks over to the two women and allows them to hold her arms. Cologne hands Shampoo a pair of ivory chopsticks and both Ukyo and Cologne watch Shampoo eat the ramen. After she finishes, a strange blue glow emits from Shampoo's eyes, and Shampoo begins to convulse and shriek in a high-pitched voice.]
Cologne: Hold on as if your life depended on it, Ukyo! Shampoo will try to kill the both of us!
Ukyo: You've got it!
[Outside, Kodachi Kuno's eyes widen as she watches Shampoo scream and kick at both Ukyo and Cologne. She turns away from the window and runs away toward the Kuno mansion.]
Scene: Akane is traveling through an almost deserted town. She looks at her map that has the towns listed that she needs to go through and a big star that says "here" on it. Smiling, she looks around.
Akane: There doesn't seem to be anyone here.
Voice: Except me.
[Akane turns and gasps as she sees Ryoga standing before her.]
Ryoga: Hello Akane...
Akane: R-Ryoga? (Smiles.) Oh hello... Do you happen to know where Mrs. Saotome's residence is?
Ryoga: Last time I came by here, I saw Mrs. Saotome moving out.
Akane: Oh, no... (falls to her knees and begins to cry) ...Ranma... now I'll never find him... he... he...
Ryoga: (Infuriated) Well, you're lucky that I helped Mrs. Saotome move her things to her new home in Nagoya. Akane, did he do something to you? If he did, I'll get...
Akane: (Interrupting him.) Don't worry. He didn't do a thing. I am looking for him. Why don't you sit down, so I can tell you the whole story?
Ryoga: (calming down a bit) All right...
Scene: Nabiki is at the Kuno mansion, trying to sell pictures to Kuno.
Nabiki: Come on...It's only ten thousand yen. (Smiling wickedly)
Kuno: I know not, Nabiki Tendo. Perhaps I shall, only because of my blossoming love for you, or maybe I would enjoy a change...
Nabiki: (raising an eyebrow) WHAT do you MEAN, Kuno-Baby?
Kuno: Ah, my heart flutters at the thought of you calling me that... (eyelashes flutter)
Nabiki: How cute. Anyway, what do you mean about this change, Kuno?
[Kuno takes Nabiki's hands, and faces her.]
Kuno: The earth, the sky...
Nabiki: (impatiently) Well?
Kuno: ...and my heart would waver for photos of my darling-
Nabiki: (smiling) Well, here, Kuno, I've got pictures of your Pig-Tailed girl, and your beloved Akane, like I've said, ten thousand Yen per set, I mean, who... (gasps) ...else... would, you, ah want pictures... (Nabiki's eyes widen in realization) ...of?
Kuno: (tears well up in his eyes) That's right, Nabiki Tendo...
Nabiki: No... it can't be...
Kuno: (embracing Nabiki) Yes! 'Tis we that are star-crossed lovers! My photo collection is incomplete without a picture of my newest conquest...
Nabiki: (gives Kuno a death glare) You can't mean that. Good grief. (stops to think a moment, and then her eyes light up) You know Kuno-Baby, if you really do care about me that much, you will buy these pictures from me. In fact, if you love me you'll do whatever I tell you to, won't you?
Kuno: As long as I know that my love doth not fall unrequited...
Nabiki: Yeah, yeah, of course, now are you gonna do what I tell you, or not?
Kuno: (gets down on one knee) Your wish, fair maiden, is my humble command. Now when do I get those photos of you?
[Enter Kodachi]
Kuno: Hello there, dear sister, what are you up to these days?
Kodachi: (looks over to Nabiki and laughs insanely) If you must ask, brother, I am getting ready to go and rescue my darling Ranma from the clutches of those wretched girls.
Nabiki: What do you mean? Ukyo and Shampoo?
Kuno: I thought that fool Saotome had departed a long time ago...
Kodachi: Of course I'm talking about those two-- It's not like that fool Akane would ever go to such lengths to see Ranma again! -And that ugly tomboy calls herself Ranma's fiancee...
Nabiki: (Kuno watches her make a fist) You know, you are talking about my sister, you--
Kodachi: What? What were you were about to call me?
Nabiki: (in her usual monotone voice) I was about to say how stupid you look with that bow on your head. What are you, a poodle?
Kodachi: Why you... (Jumps at Nabiki) You should know that the Black Rose doesn't take kindly to insults... especially from the likes of you!!!!!! (takes out ribbon)
Nabiki: What, you've resorted to fighting people who don't fight? Are you really that weak, Kodachi Kuno? I would have thought better of you... (smiles wickedly, as Kodachi's eyes bulge and begin to glow red) ...besides, I think that Akane has more of a right to be Ranma's bride..
Kodachi: (fuming even more) AND WHY'S THAT, YOU LITTLE MISCRIENT?
Nabiki: Seeing as Akane already left to go see Ranma-- (Kodachi gasps) Yes, Ranma even gave Akane his favorite red shirt... (Nabiki smiles deviously)
Kodachi: (turning away) ...I... I don't believe a word you're saying...
Nabiki: I happen to have proof..... on tape.
Kuno: My darling Nabiki, do you happen to have the particular tape on hand?
Nabiki: A businesswoman is always prepared... (pulls tape out of nowhere)
Kuno: It is settled then; Let us watch the tape...
Scene: A random room in the Kuno mansion. Kodachi's eyes widen as every second of the video brings more pain to her face, until Nabiki finally hits stop and takes the tape out of the V.C.R.
Nabiki: So, how does it feel to be left in the dust? He really does seem to care for her, now doesn't he?
Kodachi: (tears run down her face) WHY YOU-- YOU-- (Kodachi lunges at Nabiki, ribbon in hand, as Nabiki shields her face) TAKE THAT BACK, YOU!!
Nabiki: AAH- (Kuno jumps in front of Nabiki, taking the hit from the ribbon; he then pulls out his bokken and initializes an attack)
Kodachi: To think that you would protect that WENCH! Of all people.. hm.. (jumps up...) adieu. (...and out of sight) Kuno: We may have to go and search for your sister; She IS alone, somewhere, and will be in trouble if Shampoo and Ukyo are out there, looking for Ranma. Nabiki: You're right, Kuno-Baby. Let's go... Scene: Nabiki and Kuno arrive at Dr. Tofu's clinic. Kasumi is sitting, alone, in the waiting room reading a magazine. Kasumi notices Nabiki and smiles. Kasumi: Why hello Nabiki. What are you doing here? Nabiki: We need to talk with Dr. Tofu. Kasumi: Why don't you go into his office? Nabiki: Okay! Come on Kuno-Baby...(Grabs his shirt and drags him into the office) Kuno: Call me that again, my love! Kasumi: Hummm (Returns to her magazine) [Nabiki drags Kuno to the door to Dr. Tofu's office, and knocks on the door. No one answers, so she knocks again, this time, harder. Again, there is no answer, so she opens the door.]
Nabiki: Hello? Dr. Tofu, are you-- AAH!
[Dr. Tofu is seen dancing in a pink tutu with Betty the skeleton. He abruptly stops when he sees Nabiki and Kuno standing at the door.]
Kuno: This is madness...
Dr. Tofu: I, uh, heh heh heh... can you let me change clothes? (laughs nervously)
Scene: Nabiki and Kuno are sitting in the waiting room, waiting for Dr. Tofu. He emerges a little later, dressed normally. Kasumi smiled at him and his glasses fogged up.
Nabiki: Here we go again.
Dr. Tofu: (Turns to Kuno) Hello Kasumi...
Kuno: You fool, she's over there. I am Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan HIGH!
Dr. Tofu: Why, Hello Pink Lightning, what seems to be the problem?
Nabiki: (interrupting) Kasumi, I need to ask a favor of you.
Kasumi: Yes?
Nabiki: Could you, ah, get me some tea? Uh, my throat-- it's a bit scratchy...
Kasumi: Oh... okay. Would anyone else like some tea?
Nabiki: (noticing that Kuno is about to kill Dr. Tofu) Uh, I don't think so...
Kasumi: Oh, all right, then...
[Exit Kasumi]
Kuno: (yelling) You dare mock me, Tatewaki Kuno, by calling me 'Pink Lightning'?
Nabiki: (puts hand on Kuno's arm) Now calm down there, Kuno-Baby... (Kuno smiles blissfully and embraces Nabiki) ...Get.. off... of... me... you...
Dr. Tofu: (regaining his composure) So, what did you want to talk to me about?
Nabiki: We need your help to protect Akane.
Dr. Tofu: (raising an eyebrow) Why is this?
Nabiki: You see...Akane has left to go find Ranma. But if Kodachi, Ukyo, or Shampoo find her, she's toast.
Dr. Tofu: So, (scratches his head) how exactly would you like me to help?
Kuno: The both of us would appreciate it if you could accompany us...
Dr. Tofu: Well, I would have to close my clinic for a couple of days, what if someone needed me?
Nabiki: Well, hm... Hey, about how many of those medical books of yours has Kasumi borrowed, anyway?
Dr. Tofu: Well, all of them, I think, and some a couple of times...
Kuno: Very well, then, you have the one to carry on ( :) ) during your absence.
Dr. Tofu: Well, I guess we could ask her... still; I don't know if she'll agree to this...
Nabiki: You obviously haven't realized the stakes here; Akane's life may be in danger.
Dr. Tofu: Would those girls really go that far enough to endanger Akane like that, just to get to Ranma?
Kuno: You have no idea just how devious women can become, once love is involved...
Dr. Tofu: I understand. Now all we have to do is... (voice wavers) ...ask ...Kasumi...
[Enter Kasumi.]
Kasumi: Ask me what, Dr. Tofu?
Scene: Another random forest, somewhere in Japan. Akane and Ryoga appear to be tired, as they continue to walk.
Akane: (taking a sip of water) Oh, look, there's another sign...
Ryoga: Where? Oh, there it is...
[Both approach the sign.]
Akane: (reading off of the sign) ...okay, let's see here... it says that Nagoya is 37 kilometers from here...
Ryoga: (realization strikes) Hey... wait a minute, we've already been here, I recognize these scratches on this sign... (touches sign)
Akane: You mean, THIS is the sign that we read an hour ago? We went in a circle? (kicks at a rock, and remembers the last time she did such at thing) ..wow, that wasn't too long ago, now was it?
Ryoga: Hm?
Akane: Hey, Ryoga, I don't think you've ever met my pet pig... he's the cutest little thing...
Ryoga: (nervously) Oh, heh heh, I don't think I, ah, I mean, I guess not... heh heh heh...
Akane: Oh well, you'd like him; he's really smart for a pig... yeah.. (thinks of Ranma) I-
Ryoga: Are- are you okay, Akane?
Akane: I.. was just thinking of something, that's all...
Ryoga: Well, in any case, we should be going...okay, Nagoya is south... (looks in one direction and begins to walk) This way.
Akane: (looks down at her compass) Uh, Ryoga, south is THIS way...
Ryoga: Uh, right...
Scene: The Saotome home. Ranma and Nodoka are eating dinner.
Nodoka: So, what do you think? Do you like it?
Ranma: (putting a second helping on his plate) You bet! (takes a large bite of rice) Pop was right...
Nodoka: Oh? Right about what?
Ranma: It's just that I can't even count the number of times on both hands that Pop said stuff about your cooking being really good.
Nodoka: (quieter) Oh. How nice...
Ranma: Yeah... this is a really big change from eating Akane's... cooking...
Nodoka: Oh... (laughs) Yes, that was quite a disaster... You seem to be a pretty good cook yourself. I don't believe I told you how wonderful a wife you would make... my own son... Ranma?
Ranma: Yeah?
Nodoka: How did Akane feel about being engaged to a half-boy?
Ranma: You wouldn't believe how many times she's called me a pervert... and all the times she's hit me! Geez, you don't even want to know how many times she's dislocated parts of my body... (looks down at his plate) Yeah...
Nodoka: (thinking to herself) Wow, look at how he's really grown up. One would almost think that he misses her.
Ranma: (Finished) Can I go train now?
Nodoka: Yes, son, you can go.
Scene: Ukyo, and Cologne chase after a crazed Shampoo, just outside of Yokohama.
Shampoo: Ranma this way, Shampoo swear.
Ukyo: Wait up!
Cologne: There's no use. She is concentrating so much that she will listen to nobody. We just have to follow her and hope she will lead us to Ranma.
[Shampoo runs into a tree and hugs it]
Shampoo: It you, Ranma? (She breaks the tree in half and sees a bird fly out. ) It not Ranma. This way, Shampoo feel it. (Runs to the south.)
Ukyo: Oh, I'm sooo tired... (sits on a nearby log)
Cologne: Well, if you don't want to see Ranma, you can rest here and go back later...
Ukyo: (forcing herself up) Okay! All right, I'm getting up!! Ranma-Honey, I'm coming!!
[Cologne and rolls her eyes at Ukyo, and continues walking.]
Scene: Dr. Tofu's clinic. Nabiki, Kuno, and Dr. Tofu all sport designer hiking gear (c/o Kuno). All stand at the door as Nabiki talks to Kasumi.
Kasumi: So, let me get this straight... I call this number (holds up a tiny slip of paper), wait for some sort of a tone, and then dial the number of the clinic?
Nabiki: That's right...
Kasumi: And then your pager will beep? And then you'll call me?
Nabiki: Just as long as we're still in Japan. (laughs)
Kasumi: (laughs) Yes... well, you three take care of yourselves.. (hugs Nabiki)
Nabiki: No problem, sis...
Kasumi: Take care of my little sister... (hugs a surprised Kuno)
Kuno: Why, of course, milady... (bows)
Kasumi: And you take care of both of them for me... (hugs Dr. Tofu)
Dr. Tofu: (neck spasms) Kasumi!! Bwuhve courshe ... I bwuh- bwuh- bwu-
[Nabiki takes Kuno's bokken, hits Dr. Tofu with it, and motions for Kuno to pick up Dr.Tofu off of the ground.]
Nabiki: We should be going...
Kasumi: All right, see you soon. (Kasumi watches as the three walk into the horizon.)
Scene: Akane and Ryoga FINALLY make it to Nagoya. Akane looks very tired and the bags under her eyes prove it.
Ryoga: Are you okay, Akane? Would you like to rest somewhere?
Akane: NO, I have to get to Ranma. (There is a rustling coming from nearby bushes and Akane turns to look at it.) Ryoga, did you hear that? (She gets into a fighting stance.)
Ryoga: Yes, I did. (He does the same as the bushes separate and Shampoo comes bounding towards a VERY baffled Ryoga.) Wh-What's going on.
Shampoo: (Trying to stop herself.) You I love! NO! Shampoo love Ranm... Ryoga. NO!
[Cologne and Ukyo both emerge from the bushes, with wide eyes.]
Akane: What's going on?
Cologne: No... it can't be...
Ukyo: You mean... Ranma isn't destined to be with her? (watches as Shampoo grabs wildly at Ryoga) Her true love isn't Ranma?!?
Shampoo: (Willing herself to let go, but failing) Shampoo no believe this... YOU I LOVE!! No... YES! Shampoo no want stupid boy who get lost all the time... YES, SHAMPOO DO!
Akane: (looks confused) What is the meaning of this?
Ukyo: (thinking to herself as she watches an angry Ryoga trying his best to push away Shampoo) Shampoo wasn't meant for Ranma! That means that I am the one to become his bride!! Oh, I'm so excited! I should go and see him right now! (looks to Akane) Wait... I don't know where he lives... but I bet Akane does...
Scene: Kuno, Nabiki, and Dr. Tofu trudge along a beach.
Nabiki: (wiping sweat off of her forehead) Okay, so Mr. Saotome said that Ranma should be somewhere in Kanazawa.
Kuno: So, as of the moment, where exactly are we?
Dr. Tofu: We're about halfway between Yokohama and Nagoya.
Kuno: Perhaps then it would be wise that we should ask for directions in Nagoya.
Nabiki: (looks to the beach, and spies a Land Rover) Oh, Kuno-Baby, give me your wallet...
Kuno: With pleasure, Nabiki Tendo, on one condition..
Nabiki: (raises an eyebrow) And what would that be?
Kuno: A taste of thine honeyed lips.
Nabiki: (face-faults) WHAT did you say?
[Dr. Tofu pretends to ignore Kuno and Nabiki, and sits on the side of the road on which they are traveling.]
Kuno: It is all that you can give me, and all that I would ask of you... (smiles demurely) ..a small price to pay for that of my wallet...
Nabiki: (shudders) Oh, (looks longingly at the Land Rover) Oh, (looks warily at Kuno) Oh, all right Kuno-Baby... pucker up...
Scene: Ukyo is still smirking, as she looks at Akane.
Ukyo: So, Akane, do you know where Ranma lives?
Akane: (Looking wary) Um...I think I do, why?
Ukyo: (Smiling her cuuuute smile.) Oh no reason.. hee hee.
[Akane shrugs and turns to where Shampoo is still grabbing Ryoga]
Akane: (to herself) Oh, well. (Puts backpack on) I don't need to be here... (looks towards Ukyo) ...but I can't leave, if Ukyo is watching... hm...
Cologne: (in anger) I don't care what destiny says! Shampoo will marry Ranma! (thinking) Hmm, who should I give the potion to? Ukyo or Akane? (whips out a portable stove and makes ramen at mach-speed) I guess my best bet should be Akane... (begins to creep towards Akane)
[Meanwhile, Ryoga continues to struggle away from a screeching Shampoo. Ukyo turns and begins to watch Akane, and her eyes widen as she notices that Cologne is heading in her direction. Ukyo's eyes widen in realization.]
Ukyo: (running towards Akane) NOOO! Ranma-Honey's gonna be MINE!!!
Cologne: (grabbing Akane by the throat) You must be hungry, girl!!
Akane: (in surprise) HEY! Wha-- (Cologne takes the bowl of ramen and force-feeds it all to Akane)
Scene: Kodachi is running through a parking lot in Hokkaido, flailing around her ribbon. Many gasps are heard as she runs towards a pole.
Man 1: Oh my God!
Man 2: That ribbon is going through-
Man 3: HEY THAT'S MY CAR!!!!
[A loud "dong" sound is heard as Kodachi runs into a pole.]
Kodachi: Oh Ranma-Darling. (Hugging MAN 3)
Man 3: GET OFF ME!! WHOSE GONNA PAY FOR MY CAR??!!?!?
Scene: Nagoya. Akane is running madly around town as Cologne, Ukyo, Ryoga, and Shampoo (who is following Ryoga) follow her.
Akane: (thinking to herself) What on Earth am I doing? Why can't I control where I'm going? I wanna stop, but something keeps drawing me this way... (screams) RANMA!!!
Cologne: Ha, ha! That's right! Once you bring us to Ranma, we can dispose of you! Shampoo is going to be Ranma's bride!
Ryoga: (thinking to himself) What is going on here? Shampoo is in love with me, and Akane just went crazy about five minutes ago, and now she's screaming about Ranma!
Ukyo: I'll KILL you, Akane! There's no way I'm letting you take him!
Akane: NO WAY, UKYO! (thinking) WHAT? I can't -- AAH! (jumps out of the way of Ukyo's spatulas)
Ukyo: You can't possibly mean that, Akane! Grrr! (Begins to swing her large spatula at Akane)
Akane: WATCH IT!!
[Enter a gigantuous Land Rover, With Nabiki at the wheel, Dr. Tofu in the passenger seat, and Kuno in the back.]
Nabiki: It's worse than I thought!! (drives towards Akane)
Dr. Tofu: You two were right! It's worse than I thought!! (look to Kuno) Okay, you can pull Akane into the car, all right?
Kuno: Worry not, I shall protect Akane! (brandishes his bokken, and opens his door)
Akane: (looking towards Nabiki) What now? RANMARANMARANMA...
Nabiki: (yelling) Akane, jump in! Kuno'll help you out!
Akane: Okay!!
[Kuno madly grabs at Akane, and pulls her into the Land Rover.]
Akane: Thanks, you guys!! (pupils dilate) RANMA! (jumps to the front seat and throws Nabiki into the back)
Nabiki: Akane, what are you doing?
Akane: I've got to get to Ranma! (swerves)
Dr. Tofu: Akane, what are you doing? Do you even know how to drive?
[Realization strikes as all passengers of the Land Rover scream in unison.]
Nabiki: Hey, (look to Dr. Tofu) can't you hit a pressure point on her to knock her out or something?!?
Dr. Tofu: (yelling in fear) YOU MEAN WHILE SHE'S DRVING AT THIS SPEED?
[A spatula flies in through the back window, and shatters the windshield as it exits the Land Rover. Akane, not noticing, speeds up.]
Scene: The Saotome home. Ranma is punching at a practice dummy, with little effort.
Ranma: (thinking) I can't concentrate... I can't stop thinking about Akane... Gotta punch harder. YAAH!
[Enter Nodoka.]
Nodoka: Aah, isn't it such a nice day, Ranma? (gasps) Ranma! Doesn't that car look like it's heading straight for us? (Ranma continues to punch at the dummy) Ranma! Look! The driver looks just like Akane!!
Ranma: ...don't be silly, mom. (turns to look at the Land Rover) Akane's in Toky--
[Akane lets go of the wheel and jumps out through the windshield at Ranma. Meanwhile, Nabiki jumps to take the wheel, in haste, as the Land Rover crashes into the house next to the Saotome home. The airbags are enough to protect Nabiki and Dr. Tofu, but Kuno is sent out through the front window and into the now-destroyed house, through a wall, a mirror, and another wall before he lands into a bed. In the distance, Ryoga is heard screaming for Shampoo to get away form him.]
Akane: Oh, Ranma! (jumps into Ranma's arms and clings to him) Oh, Ranma...
Ranma: (noticing his red shirt that Akane is wearing) A-Akane... you're here... (begins to go into shock as Akane leans her head closer to Ranma's) Akane, what are you going to do?!?
Akane: Don't say a word, Ranma... (leans closer)
Voice: Oh no you don't!!
[A spatula flies towards Ranma and Akane as Akane still attempts to kiss Ranma. The spatula knicks Akane's hip and sticks into Ranma's leg.]
Ranma: AARRGH! UKYO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? (throws Akane on his back, and takes the spatula out of his leg)
[Enter Dr. Tofu and Nabiki]
Nabiki: Akane what are you doing?
Dr. Tofu: Let me bandage that real fast, Ranma. (There is a couple of fast motions and Dr. Tofu stands up finished)
Ranma: That must have been lightning speed. (Gets hit over the head by Akane) What'd you do that for?
Akane: You...you... per- (pupils dilate as she holds him tighter) Oh I love you, Ranma!
Ukyo: (Brandishing more spatulas) HE'S MINE! (Throws them all at Akane)
Akane: AHHHH SAVE ME RANMA! (As they continue to fly towards her, Ranma reaches out and catches them, painfully, in his hand.)
Nabiki: I guess I'm the one that has to find Kuno-Baby. (Strolls toward the house) KUNO!
Ranma: UKYO! STOP IT! YOU'RE GOING TO HURT AKANE!
[Ukyo hears him, but runs to attack Akane anyway]
Akane: Here Ranma...Take this...(She pulls some cloth from her skirt and ties it around his hand)
Ukyo: AKANE, GIVE HIM UP NOW, AND I WON'T HARM YOU!
Akane: NO WAY! HE LOVES ME! (Hugs Ranma) Isn’t that right, Ranma?
Voice: No he doesn't! (Ryoga comes out of absolutely nowhere and goes to grab Akane.) He only loves himself. (Trying to push Shampoo off of him)
Shampoo: Akane get in way AGAIN? This time I really kill... (Jumps off Ryoga ) It your time to die, AKANE TENDO!
Scene: Nodoka watches the fight from the front door of the Saotome home.
Nodoka: (looking over to the neighbor's house) My goodness, what am I going to tell the neighbors? Hm... Well, I guess we can't stay here anymore if we can't pay for those damages. (runs inside the house to pack)
Scene: Nabiki is in the next door neighbors house. She finds Kuno, pulls him off the bed, and lays him on the ground.
Nabiki: Come on Kuno-Baby, time to wake up.
Kuno: Nabiki Tendo...(gets up and takes out his bokken)
Nabiki: Now, go help Akane.
Kuno: I shall, fair maiden! (Runs off)
Scene: Shampoo and Ukyo are running towards Akane as Ryoga runs toward Ranma. Akane holds on tighter to Ranma, as she screams.
Voice: Fear not Akane Tendo, I shall save you! (Kuno smashes Shampoo over the head with his bokken, rendering her unconscious.)
Ukyo: No you will NOT! (Hits him over the head with her spatula, and flings him towards Nabiki.) I get to kill her! (Grabs Akane by the back of the dress and tries to pull her off Ranma. Sticks one of her small spatulas into Akane's back and Akane screams in pain.)
Akane: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RANMA! Help ME! UKYO, you little--
Ranma: Get off her, Ukyo! (Turns to Ukyo as battle aura emerges from him)
Ryoga: Why don't you, Ranma?
Kuno: I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall avenge thee!
Dr. Tofu: I can't stand this any longer! (Walks toward the group) If It's a fight you want, It's a fight you've got.
Scene: Nabiki and Nodoka (standing next to a mountain of suitcases and boxes) are watching the huge free for all, as Nabiki thinks to herself.
Dr. Tofu: Well, it's been a while since I've practiced my martial arts... so I'll go easy on you.. (delivers an array of punches and kicks towards Ukyo and Ryoga, as they slowly back away in defense)
Nabiki: Well I've had quite enough. What about you?
Nodoka: Yes. I cannot stand to see my son battered anymore. But what can we do?
Nabiki: (smiling wickedly as she looks over at the Land Rover) I have an idea... let's get your things together, all right?
Scene: Ranma gets a better hold of Akane and looks at Dr. Tofu.
Dr. Tofu: Don't worry, I can handle it.
Ranma: (Noticing that Akane is bleeding, and she is crying softly ) What should I do with her? And what's wrong with her anyway...?
Dr. Tofu: She was given the TRUE LOVE VICE GRIP ELIXIR (gasps come from all around) You should take her into your house and have her lay down.
[Ranma nods and is about to do so, when he hears Ukyo screaming]
Ukyo: AHHHH IT'S COMING THIS WAY!
[The Land Rover is charging them, with Nodoka in the passenger seat and, Nabiki laughing insanely at the wheel]
Ranma: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, NABIKI?!
Kuno: It seems as if the fair Nabiki Tendo has gone... well, how should I put it? Hm... mad.
Ukyo: I think we'd better get out of the way...
Shampoo: For once, Shampoo agree with spatula girl.
[Nabiki speeds up and screeches to a stop in front of Ranma.]
Ranma: What are you doing, NABIKI?! Nabiki: Get in!
[Ranma nods and he puts Akane carefully in one of the seats and sits next to her. Dr. Tofu gets in next and Kuno follows. Nabiki hits the accelerator hard and speeds off.]
Scene: In the Land Rover as Nabiki speeds towards Tokyo. Ranma is checking Akane over with Dr. Tofu. They find a spatula wedged into her back.
Dr. Tofu: (To Akane) We won't be able to get this spatula out of your back, until we get to my clinic.
Ranma: Hang in there, all right? (Akane nods) Does it hurt?
Akane: (Throws her arms around Ranma) It's okay... as long as I can have YOU with me...
Ranma: (looks at Akane) That's, uh, nice... (looks to Dr. Tofu) When will this wear off?
Dr. Tofu: That’s the problem. It could wear off in five minutes, years, days etc.
Ranma: Oh great. (looks at Akane) ...well, I guess it's not THAT bad...
Nabiki: I'd hate to be you the second that thing wears off! (Laughs)
Kuno: At least I didn't need a potion to make Nabiki love me...
Ranma: Love? What's going on? (Akane hugs Ranma harder)
Nabiki: WHAT? (Gives Dr. Tofu the wheel and proceeds to beat him over the head with his bokken)
Kuno: (in pain) Thou art... (crunch) unskilled, (thwack) but... OUCH!.. I shall educate thee about the art of Kendo!!
Scene: Dr. Tofu parks in front of his clinic and everyone gets out. Kasumi is seen walking out of the clinic with a patient and Dr. Tofu runs up to them.
Kasumi: So you see? That was the only problem. Come back anytime. (Notices Dr. Tofu and turns to him) Why hello, Dr. Tofu.
Patient: Um... Thanks I gotta go. (Runs off)
Dr. Tofu: K-K-Kasu-Kasumi can yo-you m-m-m-m-make up a bed for Akane?
Kasumi: Yes, Dr. Tofu. Is she hurt badly?
Nabiki: Well, she's not going to die, but we'd better stop the bleeding.
Kasumi: All right then, why don't you have Ranma bring her in?
Nabiki: Yes, I'll tell him.
Kasumi: (Walking inside the clinic) How was the trip, Dr. Tofu?
Dr. Tofu: Ju-ju-ju-st fine, Kasumi. (Follows her to where she is preparing a bed)
Kasumi: Is Akane really okay?
Dr. Tofu: She'll be fine. How were the patients? Not too many hard problems?
Kasumi: No not at all, in fact it was quite fun. (She finishes up, as Nabiki and Ranma, carrying Akane, come in)
Kasumi: Just set her there.
Ranma: Okay. (He laid her on her stomach, so the spatula wouldn't go any further into her back)
Kasumi: Hummm...I see.
Dr. Tofu: W-W- Would you like to assist me, Kasumi?
Kasumi: That would be nice, thank you. Ranma, Nabiki. I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside.
Ranma: Oh okay... (looks at Akane)
Nabiki: Sure.
[Exit Ranma and Nabiki]
Kasumi: Now, Dr. Tofu ... What would you like me to do?
Dr. Tofu: I'd like you to get my tools out of that drawer...
Akane: RANMA!!! WHERE IS HE?
Kasumi: Why, did he do something to you, Akane? Well, you mustn't worry, you can get him back after--
Akane: I need him to hold my hand... oh, I miss him...
[Kasumi stops what she is doing for a second to ponder what Akane has just said.]
Dr. Tofu: He-he-he-he-he'll b-b-be here s-s-ssoon, Akane... just hold on a minute.
Akane: It HURTS! WHERE'S RANMA? RAANNMMAAA!
Scene: Ranma, Nabiki, Nodoka, and Kuno are sitting in the waiting room, when they hear Akane scream. Ranma jumps up out of his seat and Nabiki pulls him back down.
Nabiki: Hold it, lover boy.
Nodoka: Yes my son, you must wait.
Ranma: I was just getting up to stretch.
Kuno: A massive spasm must have passed through your body then... perhaps YOU should see a doctor..
[Nabiki laughs (for real) and smiles at Kuno, and Ranma glares.]
Kuno: Oh my fair Nabiki... How long it's been since I've waited for this moment!!
Nabiki: (Back to her usual self) Don't push it, Kuno.
Scene: In the operating room. Dr. Tofu tries his hardest to concentrate, as he puts stitches into Akane's back.
Dr. Tofu: (thinking) Okay, I have to stop thinking about Kasumi... I have to realize what will happen if I mess up... Akane shouldn't have to needlessly suffer, just because I'm- because I - and Kasumi-
Kasumi: Keep up the good work, Dr. Tofu... (puts a hand on his shoulder)
Dr. Tofu: (thinking to himself) Okay... think of cars, think of blood, think of anything else but K-Kasumi... cars and blood, cars and blo- K- Kas- no, thinking of the stitch... stitch... gotta keep stitching...
Kasumi: Are you all right, Dr. Tofu? You look pale... (puts arm around Dr. Tofu)
Dr. Tofu: Uh, uh, uh Kasumi, would y-you like to finish these stitches for me? I- have to... watch this thing right here.. (points to a blank screen)
Kasumi: Well, if that really is more important for you to do.. All right. (takes needle)
Dr. Tofu: Yes, ac-actually it is VERY important... Scene: Ranma continues to twiddle his fingers and fidget, sometime later.
Nabiki: Hold it ... I hear something.
[Enter Kasumi and Dr. Tofu]
Kasumi: Ranma?
Ranma: Yeah?
Kasumi: Akane is fine. But you need to take her home and get her to bed as soon as possible.
Ranma: (running into the other room) Okay. (He notices that Akane is sleeping and picks her up.) Let's go home, Akane. (Says as he walks to the Land Rover)
[The others follow and get in, except Dr. Tofu.]
Kasumi: Would you like to come over for some tea, Dr. Tofu?
Dr. Tofu: That would be nice. (gets in)
Nabiki: Everyone ready? Then lets go!
Scene: They arrive at the Tendo Dojo. All look weary as they get out and walk into the Dojo.
Soun: (Seeing Ranma walk in with Akane in his arms, sobs) A-A-AK-A-AKANE! OH MY LITTLE GIRL!
Ranma: I'll carry her to her room.
Nabiki: I'll help.
Kuno: I shall follow thee, Nabiki Tendo.
Nodoka: My son might need me, as well.
Dr. Tofu: I'm the doctor...
Ranma: Well she's MY fiancee!
Nabiki: Are you saying you actually CARE for Akane? (Ranma blushes) Well, anyway, she's MY sister!
Kuno: I must agree with Nabiki.
Nodoka: SHE will be MY daughter in law!
Ranma: (blushes again) ...uh... wha...
Dr.: Tofu: I'M HER doctor!
Soun: (sobbing) Are you all trying to avoid me?
Nabiki: (Whispering to Kuno) We're caught.
Kasumi: There is a way to handle this, Ranma, you take Akane up to her room. The rest of you may join my father and I for tea.
Nabiki: I just remembered...Kuno? How about you teach me how to use that stick now?
Kuno: My bokken? Anything for my love, Nabiki! (They run into the Dojo, as Nabiki is heard saying, 'don't push it..')
Nodoka: (watches as Genma walks into the room, after hearing the commotion) Husband! We must talk... (pulls him out the door)
Kasumi: (Coming out of the kitchen with tea.) Oh my! Where did everyone go?
Soun: (Sobbing more) Oh Akane!
Kasumi: Here, Dr. Tofu... (Gives him a cup of tea, that he almost spills on her)
Dr. Tofu: T-t-than-thank- you, K-Kasumi.
Kasumi: Here you are father, some nice hot tea.
Soun: Oh my brave little girl!!!!!! (Gets up and runs to Akane's room)
Kasumi: Oh my.
Dr. Tofu: Kasumi?
Kasumi: Yes?
Dr. Tofu: (His glasses un- fog) Do you really like doing things at my clinic?
Kasumi: Why yes Dr. Tofu. Why?
Scene: Akane's room. Ranma is watching Akane sleep.
Ranma: When will you ever get over this, Akane? Akane: (opening her eyes) I love you Ranma!
Ranma: (going into shock as she hugs him tightly) A-Akane?!
Akane: Well?
Ranma: What? Are you okay? (to himself) ..wait... why do I even ask?...
Akane: Don't you have something to say to me, Ranma?
Ranma: (nervously) ..uh... like what?
Akane: You know... OW! (Akane slumps down in pain)
Ranma: HEY! Be careful, there... don't want you to get hurt again. (props Akane up with both arms, and realizes that he has his arms around her)
Akane: Oh? Why's that? (leans towards Ranma, and leans to kiss him) Ranma...
Ranma: Akane.. (gets nervous) Uh, I, uh l-lov-
Akane: (Reality strikes her, hard) RANMA?! What have I been doing all this time? How come I couldn't control myself? RANMA THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!! (Akane punts Ranma into space)
********************Epilogue****************
Scene: The Tendo Dojo, sometime later. Everyone is at the dinner table, even Kuno and Dr. Tofu. Missing from the table is Kasumi and Nodoka, who are in the kitchen. Ranma looks quite beaten up and sitting next to him, Akane is smiling evilly. There is a whoosh sound as Cologne appears.
Akane: (Standing up) The potion had to do with that ramen, didn't it?
Cologne: Yes, it did. It only lead you to your destined husband, your true love. But I still will not give up. What is written in stone can be broken. (They hear another whoosh as she leaves.)
Akane: (Turing a crimson color) RANMA THIS...THIS IS....
Ranma: All my fault?
Akane: YES! YOU LET ME CLIMB ALL OVER YOU SAYING THAT I LOVED YOU! THE ONLY REASON I could think for doing that is...
Ranma: NO... IT'S NOT LIKE I.. l-love.. YOU OR NUTHIN'!
Akane: wha... DIE RANMA!!!! (Hits him over the head with a mallet that came out of nowhere)
[Dr. Tofu gets up and walks toward the kitchen, but stops short of the threshold.]
Dr. Tofu: Kasumi?
Kasumi: (Peering out of the kitchen, then coming out to talk with Dr. Tofu) Yes?
Dr. Tofu: Are you ready?
Kasumi: Yes, lets announce it, as soon as we sit to dinner.
Nodoka: I'll serve the dinner. (walks into the room of hungry people as Dr. Tofu and Kasumi follow.)
Kasumi: Can I have your attention? Dr. Tofu and I have an announcement to make.
Akane: (Smiling and thinking to herself) Finally...
Dr. Tofu: (Glasses slightly fogged) K-Kasumi and I ar-ar- are... We- are... um...
Kasumi: What he is trying to say is that...(Everyone is smiling radiantly) I decided to go to college. And Dr. Tofu is letting me intern at the clinic. We are going to be business partners.
[Everyone face faults] To be continued....