"Damn." To the human eye, Hibiki Ryouga appeared to simply poke at a nearby rock. However, to anybody that really knew him, his bakusai tenketsu-- his special attack that would render any inanimate object that his index finger would strike into pieces, was what was being performed. Ryouga had gotten rather good at the attack. Back when he was first learning it, he had considerable trouble, smashing into boulders a good number of times before he could muster enough focus to get it right. Now his bakusai tenketsu came without flaw. Especially when he was angry. This was one of these times, as the rock that was once there was now a pile of pebbles. "Where in the hell are my chopsticks?" Ryouga reached into his bag, pulling out things like packages of Cup-o-Noodles, to clean socks, to matches, and a kettle. However, Ryouga didn't pull out his trusty plastic chopsticks.

He frowned and sat back. "Must have left them in Okinawa, or something." His eyes wandered to the clear sky above, and how its colors of blue-violet, yellow and red swirled about like melted ice cream. Just noticing a single star in the sky, Ryouga made a wish. "I wish that Akari-chan and I will have love everlasting." Ryouga smiled a nostalgic smile as his mind wandered to thoughts about Akane, and Ranma. "And," Ryouga thought, wincing to himself, "I also wish that Akane-san will have true happiness with Ranma... er, of course, just because of Akane-san." Not thinking about the cup of instant noodles that were still in his hand, Ryouga shifted, spilling chicken broth all over his lap.

"Scratch that," Ryouga said aloud. "I wish that I had my chopsticks. Then I wouldn't be wearing my dinner..." Ryouga thought about this and chuckled to himself as he reached in his pack for a towel.


"My, what a kind man you are," A soft, airy voice pierced the silence of the night, as Ryouga looked up with caution. Before Ryouga stood a woman that looked slightly transparent. White sashes and clothing that looked as if the fabric had been made of ground pearls adorned her, and complimented her pale complexion. "I am the goddess, Ariadne." She smiled to him, and gently raised a hand to the sky. The stars shone brighter as the hand waved across the horizon, as if they were cued to do so. Ryouga had a blank look on his face. "What? What are you doing here?" He
forgot about the towel and absent-mindedly allowed the rest of the broth to spill on his lap.


"You freed me from that rock, and for that I will grant you your special wish, Ryouga. Though, I would have thought of something better, myself." Ariadne smiled warmly, and faded out of sight. "Thank you."

For a brief minute, Ryouga didn't know what to say. "Something better?" he whispered to himself. Ryouga shrugged his shoulders and thought about his wish. "My wish!!" With tears in his eyes, Ryouga clutched his noodles and allowed the tears to fall. "Akari-chan and I will be.. oh, my happiness is soaring!" He then felt something tumble across his lap. Looking down in a curious manner, he spotted the plastic chopsticks that he had forgotten. Attached to them was a note. Ryouga shrugged again and read it:

"To my gracious Ryouga,
      Thanks ever so much for freeing me. Next time, however, I would wish
      for something more than mere plastic.
                                                   Love, Ariadne."

Ryouga froze and looked down at the noodles that lay crumpled in his lap. "Why me?."

Ranma 1/2: The Gods Must Hate Me - a fanfic by -------,---PIMoSDL---’---,--<@ (Ranma 1/2 is copyrighted by Rumiko Takahashi. I don’t want to be sued, because any
character from Ranma 1/2 isn’t mine. However, the others are.) Now, on with the show....
“That poor guy, you mean he can’t help getting lost?” A woman, adorned in flowing violet robes, touched at a globe which displayed the image of Hibiki Ryouga, asleep in Akane’s bed in the form of a small black piglet, and watched it flicker away. “He’s been to Jusenkyou, hasn’t he? But she just thinks he’s a pet...” The woman chuckled. “Now THAT’S interesting... and WHAT did he wish for, again?” Ariadne sighed, and put her hand over her forehead, as if she had a headache.

“Legally, Chantall, he wished for a pair of chopsticks.”

“Legally? What does that mean?” Chantall raised a hand idly and two glasses of iced tea appeared before the women. She motioned for Ariadne to take a glass before taking her own, sipping slowly.

“Well, he was looking through this HUGE backpack, and then he wished on a star that he and some girl named Akari would have love everlasting.” Ariadne looked down at her tea and blushed, embarrassed. “I heard all of that when I was stuck in that rock.”

“So what was the problem, then?” Chantall leaned back in her seat as she sipped at her tea a bit more.

“He canceled it, and wished that he could find his chopsticks...” Ariadne frowned and sighed to herself. “There wasn’t a thing that I could do, it was what he asked for.”

“Well, we can’t let this spread, he’d be a laughing stock for the rest of the gods, and they’d never stop playing with the poor guy...” Chantall touched the globe again to look at Ryouga, who was running at the time. “Yeesh, HOW long did it take for him to find the bathroom again?”

Ariadne grinned. “You know WHY he can’t find his way anywhere, right?”

“No, why?”

“Well, you know that ‘gerbil’ that Lilandra’s been playing with for the past 16 years?” Ariadne scratched her chin and took bigger sips of her tea.

“You mean to tell me that ‘gerbil’’s a P-chan?”

“Yep.” Ariadne finished her drink and stretched out. “Cruel, isn’t it? She does that with his whole family, except for the dog. I mean, it’s almost as if it’s our duty to at least grant the poor soul one extra wish.” She looked thoughtfully at her glass.

“Yeah, he’s cute enough to deserve it.” Chantall made a hand gesture, and the globe zoomed in on Ryouga. “What do we know about this Akari?” Ariadne sighed, “Well, we can’t make any action to find her in the present, what we’re gonna do is already against the rules as it is. The second we go past surveillance, it’d be monitored by the higher-ups. In fact, in order to avoid getting caught, we’d have to slip away quickly, and then come back.”

Chantall nodded in agreement, and rested her chin on her hand. “Well, I know a couple of people that owe me some favors, so that won’t be a problem, but finding information will indeed be the hardest part. Well, what if we go through the archives? Nobody cares about those, and we’d find her faster! Now, like I said, what do we know about this Akari girl?”

Ariadne thought a bit. “Well, before Ryouga was looking for his chopsticks, I overheard him saying that Akari loves him the way he is... and then he was wishing for Akari to be happy with him.”

Chantall stood up, holding her drink. “Well, that’s simple, we can search the archives on Ryouga here, and find a girl that says that she cares about him.” “Ugh, I hate looking through those, it’s like watching somebody’s bad home movies... but since I admire the guy, I’ll do it. How do you think we should go about doing this?”

Chantall shrugged. “Well, we can watch them in fast forward, and look for something that looks like a girlfriend, I guess.”

Ariadne nodded. “Chronological order, I suppose. Hey, we can make a day of it-- take in some popcorn, and watch stuff in fast-forward! Great!” She bolted upward and got ready to run to get food, when Chantall stopped her.

“One minute, there’s just one thing that I have to know..”

“What is it?” Ariadne folded her arms.

“How the HELL did you get stuck in a rock?” It was Chantall’s turn to fold her arms.

“Well... I was trying to get back at this guy for grabbing my chest... and I was so mad that I misplaced a couple of words in my spell...”

Ariadne loved to eat. In fact, she even made an unconscious habit to never get tired of certain foods, no matter how much of them she ate. However, after hours of watching Ryouga’s life in fast-forward, she had long since become tired of popcorn. By this time, even the smell of popcorn would send her to the bathroom, ready to lose her lunch (or it would, if goddesses had bodily waste). Lazily, she summoned the next tape and continued to watch it in the same fashion.

Ariadne sighed, trying to keep her attention span focused. “At LEAST we’re coming towards the end. That means that we MUST find some clue of this Akari girl, right Chantall?” There was no answer. “Chantall?” Ariadne looked to the right, to find Chantall snoozing peacefully. “Hey, wake up! You said you would help me!” Chantall still didn’t respond. Slightly annoyed, Ariadne bapped Chantall on the head. “Wake up, you lazy, lazy woman! You said you would help me!”

By this time, Chantall had long since woken up, in a rather irate mood. Raising her hand in a shamanist fashion, she summoned a small burst of lightning to Ariadne, waiting gleefully for it to hit its target. The lightning struck dead on, in between Ariadne’s eyes.

“What the-- now you’re asking for it!” Ariadne made a series of gestures as she began to chant quietly... as she did so, she glanced over to the video screen, and noticed a girl with Ryouga, in a boat. Ariadne stopped and pointed to the screen. “There it is! He’s on a date, or something!” She did this, not noticing the sudden burst of blizzard that erupted out of nowhere, purging the seat that Chantall was sitting on, and then knocking Chantall through the wall ahead.

Ariadne stood and dragged Chantall out of the wall, pulling the goddess to a seat on her left. Chantall kicked Ariadne and yelled, “I zap you with a small lightning spell, and you hit me with a level three ice spell? What were you thinking?”

“Hey, you KNOW how bad my temper is! Just be lucky that I only chanted half of it, or you’d be through the wall ahead of the one you just broke through, for sure!” Chantall began to say something, when Ariadne spoke again. “BUT, I think I found Ryouga’s lady love! Let’s watch this part, okay?”

Chantall calmed down after hearing this bit of news. “All right, then let’s watch it!” She willed the footage to play again, as they listened to the red-headed girl:

“Is there somewun you’re in WUV with, P-chan?”

“Whaa--? How did you--”

“Why I know EVERYTHING about you darling - your likes, your dislikes, that you turn into a little black pig..”

“You know, and.. yet you still want me?”

“I WHAT?” *fast-forward*

“That you and I were meant to be!”

Ariadne smiled largely. “All right, let’s go to the part in the boat, we’ll confirm it there.” Chantall nodded, as the footage proceeded:

“Face it, I’m the only one that doesn’t mind that you turn into a little black pig!” *mute*

Chantall squealed with delight. “Eeee, Ariadne, this is great! I already feel like we’ve done a great good in this boy’s life! Can’t you just feel the warmth all over?”

“Sure can! Now let’s get to work!”

“You said it! Let’s go!”

The two females nodded in unison and left the room, not noticing what the rest of the video displayed.

The stars flickered peacefully above Nerima, over a slumbering Tendou Dojo, and through the window of a sleeping Akane, with sleeping P-chan close at her side. An argent mist prowled through the window, effortlessly, and stopped above Ryouga. Slowly, he woke, not believing what he saw. Before him, hovered the beautiful Ariadne, whom he recognized, and behind her, floated Chantall. Ariadne twisted in her most graceful manner, before bowing to touch Ryouga’s mouth shut, so that he would not utter a thing.

Waving hello, she blew a kiss to a blushing Ryouga, and brought her companion through the floor beneath, waving goodbye. Ryouga grunted, careful not to wake Akane, and then nuzzled against her chest, returning to his slumber.

The morning sun seemed to wake Ryouga gently, as he stretched leisurely in Akane’s bed. Looking around, he noticed that she had long since left, and that the school uniform that hung on the wall the night before had been taken. She’s probably at school, thought a refreshed Ryouga. And I shall await her return. Standing quickly, Ryouga hopped off of Akane’s bed, and trotted happily over to the bathroom, so that he could revert to the body that he had been born in. On the way to the bathroom he noticed Soun and Genma enthralled in a riveting game of shogi. The pair took no notice as Ryouga made his way in, and still didn’t notice when he wandered out of it some time later. Ryouga carefully looked about for the staircase that he had come from, and ran into Kasumi as he spun about.

“Why hello, Ryouga-kun, what are you doing here this morning?” Kasumi beamed and bowed slightly. “Would you like something to eat, so that you can wait for Akane to come home?”

Ryouga instinctively placed a hand behind his neck, and stuttered, “Oh, ah- sure, Kasumi-san, that would be wonderful!” He laughed to himself, and followed the oldest Tendou daughter to the table.

“You just sit here, and don’t go anywhere, all right?” Kasumi watched Ryouga sit and then headed for the kitchen. “I’ll be right back. How does miso soup, fish and rice sound?”

Ryouga stammered through another sentence. “Oh, th-that would be fine, Kasumi-san, thanks.” He really didn’t like being any sort of a burden to Kasumi, which explained why he was so jittery around her this morning. Sure, he could treat Ranma rudely; that was one thing. But treating Kasumi rudely was never much of an option for anyone, especially Ryouga. If he were to be rude to any of Akane’s relatives, it would quickly destroy the respect that she had for him, and Heaven forbid that THAT would ever happen. He had nothing against the Tendous anyway. Just to Ranma, and maybe his father, too. He still hadn’t decided.

Ryouga stared out the window, as Kasumi rushed back with several bowls. He bowed deeply as she placed each one in front of him, and thanked her heartily. “Now don’t be shy, Ryouga-kun, just eat all you like,” Kasumi said, as she stood all the way up again.

“Of course, Kasumi-san, I would never want your delightful cooking to go to waste.” Ryouga picked up the pair of hashi before him, and began to eat. He stopped himself from eating too quickly (so that he would not appear as such a pig), but also made sure not to pick at his food. Taking timed bites of rice, and then a sip of soup now and then, he allowed his mind to wander. He wondered mostly about what Ariadne was doing here, and what she was up to. Well, maybe she was granting a wish for somebody... This was the first thought to enter his mind, simply because he only knew her as a wish-granter. That is how the two met, at any rate.

Well, who would have gotten a wish, then? Ryouga thought about this, for a time. Could it have been Mr. Tendou? Or perhaps Mr. Saotome? No, wait... who is the only one living here that is always the center of events? Could it be Ranma? Then what would he have wished for? Ryouga chewed tentatively at a piece of fish, and thought about this. Oh no! What if he wished for Akane’s affection? Why, what else would he REALLY wish for? That means that she would be brainwashed into loving that idiot, and not of her own free will! Ryouga felt the anger boiling in his veins.... he tried his best not to slam down the hashi on the table in front of him, and to his own luck, he hadn’t broken it. He just made a loud noise, before realizing what had happened. “Okay, just get a hold of yourself, there, guy. Caaaaaaalm down.” Making an effort to breathe slower, Ryouga noticed Kasumi at the doorway.


“Er, y-yes, Kasumi-san?” Ryouga wondered what she would say about his fit. Being scolded by Kasumi was the worst punishment that any resident of the Tendou Dojo could receive, with Akane and Nabiki’s combined wrath tied at a close second.

“Would you like some tea with your breakfast?” Kasumi tipped her head to one side, in an inquisitive manner.

*Whew* That was close. “Oh, Kasumi-san, that would be wonderful, thanks!” Ryouga watched her leave the room once more, before focusing on the swirling
clouds off in the distance. “Hm. I guess it isn’t as sunny a day as I thought it would be.” Ryouga didn’t realize how right he was.


“Welcome home, Akane-chan!” Kasumi was quick to rush out of the kitchen to her dripping younger sister. “Hurry up and give me your coat before you catch a cold. I’ll draw a bath for you in a minute, okay? Where’s Ranma?” Kasumi wrinkled her nose at the turbulent rainstorm outside.

“Right here.” An red-headed girl trudged in, and stood at the entrance, glaring at the puddle that formed under her feet. Kasumi blinked largely at Ranma and rushed to a closet. Within seconds, Kasumi returned with a huge pink towel.

“Here, you go and dry yourself off with this.” Kasumi attacked Ranma with the towel, wrapping it all around the girl’s body, and pushing her off to the dining room. “I would draw you a bath right now, but I told Akane that I would start one up for her first. I’m sorry, Ranma-kun.”

“S’okay.” The reply fell on no ears, as Kasumi had already left to go start a bath. Ranma shrugged her shoulders and sat down at the table. For a good while, she curled up in her towel, and wished that she could just hop in the bath tub. With a sigh, Ranma stretched her legs and stared at her toes. About ten minutes later she had begun to notice the person who was already occupying that room.

He had kept a steady glare on Ranma, even as he, er, she, had entered the room. Through the whole time, he had debated about whether or not he should pick a fight right there. How dare she not notice him! He was sitting only meters away from her, and yet she stared at her toes! Ryouga knew what he would say, and decided that the time that had already passed had been enough. Ryouga felt a queasy feeling in his stomach, that resembled giddiness. He was feeling strangely elated because for once, he had control over the situation. It was in his hands to decide when and where he would ruin Ranma’s day, and that thought made Ryouga want to giggle. He cleared his throat, and smiled evilly, just for a second.

“Hello, Saotome,” he had said in a surprisingly gentle voice, “My, don’t you look rather cute, all bundled up in that little pink towel?” Ryouga smiled until he had realized whom he was talking to. In disbelief, Ryouga tried to grasp the situation.

“I’d hit you right now, P-chan, but I wouldn’t want to bruise that sexy little face of yours,” Ranma had retorted, in an equally sugary tone.

What?!? Ryouga hit himself in the head. What the hell was going on? Why was
he flirting-- no, flirting is something you do with somebody you have a crush on -- why was he being so nice? He slammed his fist onto the top if his head, as if trying to knock himself violently out of reality.

“Hey, what are you doing? Don’t hit yourself!” Ranma rushed to Ryouga’s side, prying his hand from his head. Something inside of Ranma poked at her stomach, as she recalled the things that she had just said to Ryouga. Oh God... Ranma’s thoughts screamed in realization. She had called Ryouga sexy. Worse than that, why hadn’t Ryouga killed her yet? Hell, why hadn’t SHE killed herself yet? Ranma searched for an answer. She recalled what Ryouga had said to her a minute ago. No way... I must be tired, or something....

Ranma wasn’t tired at all. In fact, she was far from it. Then, Ranma thought about what Ryouga had said again. Part of her wanted to scream. That part of her was fading fast, under the realization that Ryouga had called her cute. He called me, ‘cute’... I don’t believe it. That thought looped back and forth in her mind, as if it was being steered away from something else, in desperation. The thought just revolved, like a merry-go-round - how it would bob up and down, but still maintain its journey in endless circles. Something felt wrong here, but Ranma didn’t think about it anymore. She only acted according to how she felt at the moment.

“Oh, you called me cute! Eeeee!”

“Whaaa? Hey, what are you doooiii--mmph!”

A kiss. And undeniably undenied one, at that (from both parties).

Akane sighed happily as she walked out of the bathroom. She loved how the heat from the bath would radiate off of her skin for a short while every time. Upon walking down the hall, she met up with Kasumi, who stopped her. “Hi, Onee-chan, what’s going on?”

“Can you please do me a favor and tell Ranma-kun to go ahead and take his bath? He’s in the dining room.” Kasumi nodded her head to the wet pile of laundry that had been soaked in the rain. “I have to take care of all these clothes before making dinner, so could you...?”

“Sure thing, Kasumi. I’ll tell him.” Akane hummed to herself a little louder, and changed course to the dining room. Breaking the tune that was going through her mind, the words, “Whaaa? Hey, what are you doooiii--mmph!” had taken surface. Akane thought to herself, Was that Ryouga-kun? Her questions were answered as she walked in the doorway of the dining room. There, stood a sight that she would have never imagined to imagine to think about: Ranma and Ryouga in a liplock, plain and simple.

Leaving the room, and turning away from the scene, she collected herself. Why would that ever happen? Akane dismissed it as her being tired (a trend with the people living in this house) and re-entered the room, only to find the same scene. She couldn’t find it in herself to go near them. Akane left the room, quietly and headed to her own. She passed Kasumi on her way again, and didn’t even notice her. Kasumi debated whether or not she should follow Akane -- she looked a little strange -- however, she decided against it, and hurried back to the kitchen. On her way, she noticed Ranma and Ryouga in the dining room. Kasumi’s eyes widened. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing (and who would blame her?). Kasumi was too busy examining the scene that she didn’t get a chance to examine the wall that was heading straight for her. The two collided almost as fiercely as Ranma and Ryouga were kissing, and Kasumi was the one to succumb. She floated to the ground, and sat back up, quickly. Ranma and Ryouga turned around.

“Kasumi!” The pair said in very surprised voices. Ranma headed to Kasumi and helped her up.

“Hey, are you okay?” Ranma was concerned for Kasumi, but at the moment, was more concerned about whether or not she saw the kiss. She watched Kasumi straighten her apron.

“Oh, ah yes, I’m all right. Thank you for asking, Ranma.” She searched for something to say, and looked towards Ryouga. “Ryouga-kun, will you be staying for dinner? We would love to have you.”

Ryouga stammered. He had already felt bad for having Kasumi take care of him all day, but he didn’t want to turn down the invitation. “Ah, sure, Kasumi, I would love that, heh heh.” He wondered how Kasumi had fallen down, and blushed as he got an idea about what could have caused it.

“Okay, then I’ll be sure to make enough for you, too.” Kasumi paused. “Oh, and Ranma, you can take your bath now. Akane’s finished.” She watched Ranma nod, and then left to seek some privacy in the kitchen. “What in Kami’s name is going on?” she wondered to herself.

Ranma splashed herself with some cold water, and shivered a bit. “Oh, it feels so much colder today,” she said to herself, in an observant voice. Ranma entered the tub of hot water, sighing happily as he felt his change emerge. It was like standing up and stretching after sitting down for hours: his entire body grew in seconds, as Ranma took in another sigh. Then he screamed.

“Wait a minute, what in the HELL did I do with Ryouga?” Ranma stood with a start, and leaped to dry himself. “I always thought Ryouga was a little pervert, the way he slept with Akane, but now...” Ranma said this between clenched teeth as he dressed at amaguriken speed. Ranma stampeded out of the bathroom, and rushed back to the scene of the kiss. He sported an evil look as he spotted Ryouga, still sitting by the dinner table. Ranma stomped a foot on the ground to get Ryouga’s attention.

“Turn around, you hentai!” Ranma growled as he stalked towards Ryouga. “I wanna know JUST what you did to get me to kiss you, you sick little--” Ranma realized something at that moment. Ryouga was indeed very responseless. In fact, he was in a stupor.

“I kiss-kiss-k-k-k-kkkissed.... Ranma....” These words were repeated by a pale Ryouga, Ranma observed, as he held the fanged boy’s collar. Ranma felt his anger slowly fading. Ryouga didn’t look too happy about the kiss either, and he was obviously just as confused as Ranma was.

“Now that’s not fair.” Ranma sighed and left the room.

Akane sighed to herself and gazed out her window, at the stars that twinkled
through the rain clouds. “I don’t believe this... now Ryouga’s one of my rivals, too...” She turned to her little black companion who sat on her bed. “How in the world did Ryouga snag Ranma so easily, P-chan?” She could have sworn that she saw a sweat drop appear on P-chan’s head, but she wasn’t sure. “No, that’s not right. Ranma’s such a hell-magnet that I wouldn’t be surprised if it was all his fault.” Akane let out a sigh again as she made a silent wish to a twinkling star overhead.

Ariadne raised her head a minute from her manicure. “What’s wrong?” Said Chantall, as she busily filed away at Ariadne’s left hand. “Did you get a request?” “Yeah,” Ariadne replied, sitting back down in her seat. “That one was pretty loud. Guess it’s time to go and grant it, neh?” “Yep.” Chantall took out a bottle of polish. “All right,” Ariadne stretched her legs. “So, Chantall. Have you ever heard of a Tendou Akane?”
“Ranmaaaaa! Hurry up, and let’s get out of here!” Akane ran out of the gate of the dojo, waiting impatiently for her fiancee. She hadn’t seen him this morning, because he woke up late, again. “Ranma! I’m leaving now!”

“Okay, Akane, just hold on a second!” Ranma came bursting out the gates, with a piece of toast in his mouth. The second his eyes met Akane’s, he stopped running. Akane blinked a second, before taking the toast.

“Those crumbs on your face are soooo, cute, Ranma,” Akane mumbled as she dropped her schoolbag. Ranma blinked. The pair stood in front of each other for a good five minutes.

Then, as soon as Ranma sneezed, Akane jumped to kiss him. In the back of Ranma’s mind, a little warning bell rung, but it was promptly ignored by the sensation of Akane’s tongue slipping into Ranma’s mouth. He liked what was happening, but why did it happen? He was confused, so for a bit, he answered Akane’s kiss very enthusiastically. However, after that bit, he felt a stinging sensation on his leg. This made Ranma jump back so quickly that he slammed himself into the wall behind him, promptly knocking him silly. The source of the sting “bweee”’d and hurled himself at a despondent Ranma.

Akane wasn’t fazed. Ranma obviously was. Akane continued her attack, pushing her pet pig aside. Ranma just sat there.

“DAAAAAAH!” Ranma’s eyes flashed wildly around the room, taking in the surroundings. There was his father’s futon, a dresser, door to the closet, Akane and Ryouga, vase with artificial flowers, the blanket at his feet-- Akane? Ranma blinked quickly and scooted back. “Hey, there, beautiful.. er--” What did he just say? He watched for a reaction from Akane: just a smile. He then turned to look at Ryouga. Ryouga was fuming, of course, and Ranma had yet to recall why.

“Are you all right, Ranma?” Akane smiled and pushed Ranma back down on the futon. Ranma’s mind was still trying to register everything that had happened during the day before and this morning, and what Akane was doing didn’t help. Ranma decided that she was too nice... but he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. He slowly, sat up and opened his mouth to speak.

“Yeah.” Ranma rubbed his head, and glanced back at Ryouga, who was still glaring at him.

Akane broke any traces of silence. “So, uhm, is there anything you need? I can get it for you: something to eat, a drink, another blanket..” She waited for Ranma to say something.

Ranma’s mind was spinning. Somewhere, it spoke to him, saying, “No! No! No! Nooooooo! Don’t even think about it!” So, Ranma didn’t think about it. He did it. “Yeah, I DO need something, Akane...” She lifted an eyebrow, and watched Ranma move towards her. He pulled her quickly, almost violently towards himself, and planted a kiss right across her lips. Akane responded by wrapping her arms around his shoulders, and the pair forgot about the third party in the room. That third party was holding a bucket of water.

“I don’t think so, Ranma!” Ryouga splashed Ranma with the contents and folded his arms. Ranma pulled back from Akane and turned to Ryouga. She squealed, and jumped towards him, heading into an open embrace.

Akane was stupefied. Lifting the dresser nearby, she shot malicious looks at the cuddling couple. “Ranma... Ryouga... no BAKA!” She successfully spiked the dresser and its contents off of the couple’s heads. After grinning in satisfaction, she took a kettle of water, and poured it over Ranma. “Come here, sexy.” Akane opened her arms and watched as Ranma practically launched himself at Akane, clinging to her waistline.

“Hello, beautiful. How’s it going?” Ranma smiled, and Akane stuck a tongue out at an irritated Ryouga.

“Raaaannnmmmaaaaa!” Ryouga screeched. “Why, you TWO-TIMER!” Ryouga splashed another bucket of water across Ranma, witnessed the change, and wrapped his arms around her.

This continued for a considerable time, with shouts of “Ranma you SLUT!” and “Akane, you stay away from her, she’s MINE!” and of course, “Darling!” *splash* “Beautiful!”. The room was slowly being destroyed, as all three of the pieces of furniture that inhabited it had been sent via air mail to either Ranma, Ryouga, or Akane.

Somewhere, at the same time, on a plane of rationality, Ranma, Ryouga and Akane’s subconsciouses sat watching the mayhem, and shook their heads in a hopeless manner. For a while, each subconscious had been trying to stop the brawl that had broken out, their separate forces calling out to their holders, but after some time, it became pointless. They hoped that it would end soon.
Somewhere else at the same time, a pair of goddesses watched the brawl, and looked back at each other in disbelief. Ariadne shook her head back and forth. Chantall remained very quiet for a considerable period of time, and then cried. She fell to the ground and continued to sob, as Ariadne looked at her, appalled.

“Do you think that’s going to help, Chantall? The higher-ups are SURE to hear about this any day now, we may lose our status, and you’re bawling like a baby!” Ariadne looked worriedly back at the fighting trio and raised her hands in the air. “I should have stayed in that rock. If I would have known that it would come to THIS...” Chantall sighed and slammed her head into the ground to keep herself quiet. She sat up painfully, and began to speak. “You know, this is just so sickeningly ironic that these two people were fighting over the same person. Ariadne, we are definitely screwed.”

Ariadne shook her head and put her face in her hands. “This is not what I worked for all my life: to play ‘good Samaritan’ to a couple of weird mortals, only to get my license revoked. Hmph. We’ll see if I ever do anything out of kindness again... if we could just find a way around this to make it look good... then we’d be in the clear.”

Chantall nodded her head in agreement. “I hear you.” She looked back at the three adolescents, who were still fighting (big surprise there). She shook her head again.

“But what do we do to help them out?”

“You mean, what do we do to save our butts?” Ariadne poked Chantall on the shoulder.

“Aww, you always have to be so anal about these things.”

“Ranma, you come over here right now and listen to me!” Akane used the flat part of her foot to push Ryouga off of her “man”, in order for her to keep Ranma for herself. Poor Ranma became very torn between the two, now that he had transformed so much that it didn’t matter what form he was in-- he loved both Akane and Ryouga.

I’m beginning to sound like Kunou, Ranma thought, as he was once again thrust into Akane’s arms. He began to wonder about who he would end up with, in the end. Ranma was so deep in thought that he barely noticed the water that splashed him, over and over again, and the changes that took affect afterwards.

“Okay, Ariadne, we HAVE to take care of this now, before something worse happens. I mean it!” Chantall had just began to register what the full penalty of losing her powers meant. She would no longer have a place to live, in the clouds. She couldn’t lounge around all day, and eat truffles without gaining weight anymore. Worst of all, she would have to get old and wrinkled! Being the narcissist that she was, this thought was enough to scare her into action. “Wait! The answer is right here, Araidne!”

“And what would THAT be? It had better be good!” Ariadne sat up straighter in her seat, because she was uncomfortable.

“The answer was sitting right there, all this time! Come with me.”

“All right. But can you tell me before we take off?”

“Ryouga, how DARE you even come out of nowhere and take my Ranma! I’m the one who’s engaged to him, not you, you bitch!” Akane grabbed Ranma protectively, and stuck a tongue out at Ryouga, who simply crossed his arms and stuck his nose up in response.

“Hey, all of you, be quiet!” The voice didn’t seem to have an origin, but it was as loud and clear as a bell. “Do you hear me? All of you!” Two familiar faces (to Ryouga, anyway) materialized before the three martial artists.

“It seems that you have a conflict of interest.” Chantall stood regally, to be sure that she looked intimidating to the three. Her efforts were not in vain.

Ryouga opened his mouth. “Ariadne, what are you doing here?”

“Well, Ryouga-darling, there was this little problem with your wish, that we felt that we had to fix...”

“You mean the chopsticks?” Ryouga said, with a glare to Ariadne.

“Don’t glare at me like that! I’m a goddess!” Chantall turned to look at Ariadne, who was now becoming angry. “You have no idea how much trouble we went to get your true love to fall in love with you! This Akari girl here, is a very lucky girl.”

Ryouga, Akane and Ranma facefaulted violently. Ranma was the first to recover from the impact. “You mean to tell me that I’m acting all funny on Ryouga and Akane, because you thought that I was Akari???”

Ariadne realized her mistake and bigsweated. “Er.. I just thought that you were only Ranma in your male form... I thought... uh-oh.”

Ranma cracked his knuckles. “Then I’m right! You mean to tell me that I’m in love with Ryouga here, because you thought that I was Akari! Where in the hell did you get a stupid idea like that? Why didn’t you two cast some sort of spell first, to find out who we were?”

“You just don’t know how hard it is for you to get extra wishes, do you, Ranma?” Chantall yelled, in an angry tone. “We were doing this as a favor for you two, but since you don’t even appreciate it... I guess we’ll have to obliterate you.”

Ariadne rolled her eyes. I don’t know who she’s trying to fool, saying that stuff. She looked over to Akane, Ranma and Ryouga, who had face-faulted again. Er, nevermind... She decided to take the matter into her own hands. “Okay, maybe you WILL be obliterated, and maybe you won’t. It depends on how you are going to cope with these wishes.“

Ranma was the first to regain his composure, again. “You two are just trying to save your OWN butts, aren’t you? You know, I bet you screwed up really bad, or something, and we’re paying for it.”

Ariadne and Chantall blushed, as Akane butted into the conversation. “Wait a minute, if you guys just wanted to give Ryouga some happiness or whatever, then how come Ranma is in love with me?”

It was Ariadne and Chantall’s turn to facefault, and they did it rather elegantly. Chantall rose and knocked on Akane’s head as if it were a door. “Hello? Who was at the window the other night, wishing for Ranma to love her?”

Akane’s cheeks brightened to a deep shade of pink. “Well, I didn’t think that it would work... er...” She sat down on a pile of broken dresser. “D’oh.”

Ranma turned to Akane, upset. “What do you mean, ‘D’oh?’” Are you saying that you think it was a mistake?”

Akane’s eyes widened, as she pulled Ranma in for a hug. “No! I didn’t mean that at all, Ranma. It’s just that... it was a mistake--”

“Ohh, you see? Then you think that I’m a mistake! Ohh,” cried Ranma as he began to sulk.

“You didn’t let me finish!” Akane interjected. “It was a mistake, with all this stuff going on with R-youg-a!” Her nose wrinkled in a sneer as she said his name. Ryouga replied by sticking his tongue out at Akane.

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter, I love Ranma, too, you know!” Ryouga tossed another bucket of water over Ranma, and kidnapped her from Akane’s arms.

“Hey! Well, so do Shampoo, Ukyou, and Kodachi, but he’s still engaged to me, and he’s mine! I don’t care what you say!” Akane tossed some more water over Ranma, and everybody in the room gasped. Ariadne and Chantall had covered their mouths, Ranma’s eyes grew larger, and Ryouga had frozen in place. All of them brought their gazes over to see what Akane was going to do next.

Akane hadn’t moved since she saw the change. She realized that she had used the wrong container, splashing cold water over both Ranma and Ryouga. In a stupor, she observed the room around her: the miniature flood in the middle of the floor, the broken furniture, the shredded futon, and the plastic flowers that were wrapped around Ryouga- er, P-chan’s head. She took in the surroundings, and finally dropped the bucket.

It hit the floor with a pang.

And then, Akane laughed.

At first, it was quiet giggle, but soon it escalated to a psychotic cackle, rivaling Kodachi’s. She rolled across the floor, holding her sides. “Of COURSE this would happen, it all makes sense!” Akane pounded on the floor with her fists, making a “squish-squish” sound, as some water flew out from under her blows. “Why, everything else is so messed up that all of this makes sense now! Why WOULDN’T Ryouga be P-chan? From now on, I should just count on everything to screw up!” Akane laughed so hard that her head began to throb. What else could she do? Chantall was the first to act, moving towards Akane, and casting a sleep spell on her.

“There. So, I suppose after she wakes up, we’ll take care of this.” Ranma and Ryouga nodded.

The night had fallen over Nerima like a soft blanket, and with it came all of the strife that had been circulating during the day. Akane lay awake in her bed that night, thinking. Hmm. Of course this kind of thing would happen to me. Ranma thinks he has it bad, but he should live in my shoes for a day. My life is nothing to scoff at. Akane turned on her side, and lay her head on Ranma’s shoulder. She pulled the blanket up more, to cover him, and moved slowly so that she would not awaken the sleeping P-chan, er, Ryouga. Akane fixed the blanket so that it would cover Ryouga’s body amply. She twirled his tail, and sighed to herself. The gods must have hated me from the beginning.
A laugh sounded. It was a subtle giggle, but it could be heard in the breeze. A goddess named Lilandra tried to cover her grin as she looked down at Akane. This had been the prank of the century!
Author’s Notes:

Here’s some Japanese words that you should know (in case you don’t): Hashi - Chopsticks Tadaima - “I’m home!” Onee-chan - Sis

Now, I guess it’s time to say the “this is my first fanfic” speech. Well, I won’t, because it isn’t. But, it IS the first of my fanfics that I got prereaders for. If you liked it, E-mail me at and tell me why. If you hated it, E-mail me and tell my why, too! Comments and criticism are very welcome, if not wanted. Many, many MANY thanks to Enaka, Greg, FriTz, and Ronin for checking it out first! I really appreciate their support. Thanks for reading!

-------,---Pimpin’ Imperial Majestrix of SD-ism Laura---’---,--<@ (Have a nice day.)